unfound love

Monday, December 05, 2005

Hypothesis of her thoughts...

Sometime, you understand. And when you understand, things become very easy for you. You move on with confidence whenever you encounter that. But if you fail to understand, it becomes hell each time you encounter that.
And so it was hell to him, each time he saw her, each single word she spoke to him, he could not understand. She started to move a bit close with him. She began to call him sometimes. Each and everytime the phone rang in his house, his heart leapt.. "it should be her, it should be her,it should be her" that was all his thoughts!! Their conversations extended into the night, he felt like he was with her each time he was speaking to her. One thing he could not understand, what was she thinking?? He was not confident that she like him...well..no one knew about her thoughts.
"Oh my god.. what am i doing? do i really like him?" she started to think. To think is the first step. The constant rattle of her mind distracted her. She tried to ward him off. " see, i dont think thins will work out as you imagine..so forget me". He just replied " i love you". Each time he said that, she became speechless. " Forget me" was the most frequent words she used on the phone.. and " i love you" was the most frequent phrase he used.
We are born, we are not made. We are brought up, we are not grown. Whatever we are, the credit is only to our parents. She was very attached to her father. She loved her father very much. Whatever she did, it was only with her parents consent. Her worries were all about them. "Am i dishonouring my parents by doing this?" " will my father not like me if i do this?" " Does love really exist?" " Does he really love me?" . When she asked herself that last question, she knew the answer. " He does love me very much..i know i can feel his love in his words..love in his eyes..." "but...am i pullying down my parents due to this?"
She wanted more time, time to decide, time to test his love and time to gain confidence. But she was amazing. All these did not affect her studies. The only time she forgot about all these was the time she took her books, and so she studied for long hours.
He could never forget....
posted by prasanna venkatesh at 10:14 PM 0 comments

It was well past midnight. The city was plunged into darkness, save the night shift companies and the voracious television watchers. There was full brightness at a window...
She sat with her heads droopin down, eyes clear and concentrated. She felt fresh. The book was on the study table. The shelf was full of reference books and notes. Her molbile rested on top of a fat book. It hummed. What ? Who is sending a message at this time? She was not disturbed by that. She just continued studying.
It was her and he was mad about her. She was fair and about more than five feet tall. Her hair reached upto her shoulders and she walked with an air of innocence. When she saw, her stare had a searching look. Cool and comforatble she was.
It was one of the classes. He was sitting in the last row. She came in. A careless wave to her friends and she sat in the first row. All her friends were in the last bench, andso he had chosen a bench parallely to that, hoping that he would be in her proximity. He was disappointed. But he did not care! He simply went to the first bench! The girls in the last bench cat-called. He was least bothered. He wanted to be near her. It gave him confidence and strength to face anything. She too noticed that. Just noticed. No thoughts were in her mind. She did not feel him across staring openly at her. She just took a look at the problem posted on the board and solved it. He saw that. He wanted to feel her writing. " excuse me, can i have a look at how you solved it ?". "oh! am sorry, i did not get it right." What? Just now she solved it!! well, i dont know why she did that.
Classes passed by and she too started to notice that this guy was exceptionally brilliant and exceptionally staring at her. She felt uneasy. But the thoughts did not affect her. She was just not bothered.
It was a cool evening. We were sittin together and preparing for an event which was due to take place next month. He sat there, just thinking about her and talking about her. I nudged him. " ok, if you have guts, if you are a man, if you love her, call her now." He had never spoken to her before that! He accepted that challenge. With shaking hands he dialled her mobile number. " can i speak to...." " who is this ?" " hey.. i am the guy who studies with you...hello ..hello..hello" The connection went blank. After a minute, the telephone rang. " can i speak to him" It was a male voice. " I am her father speaking". He was trembling now. He thought that her father was angry because of a guy calling is daughter. He thought he was done for. Mustering courage, he spoke. "yes... sorry, hope i am not disturbing you, i study with your daughter in the class, i just want to know her brothers email address, I heard he is abroad and want some advice from him". I was stuffing my mouth trying not to laught. I was rolling on the ground! Finally she spoke...her first words to him. He did not sleep that night!
posted by prasanna venkatesh at 1:27 AM 2 comments

A quest to understand what love is.....

UNFOUND LOVE

The main plot revolves around a college final year student. The guyis brilliant and a class topper. People expect a lot from him and hetries to keep up their expectations.
Throwing light upon his character, he is more of pessimist. Still heperforms. One day, he meets his girl ( or he thinks that he has met the right girl ). What starts as a mere eye contact between them blossoms into a deep passion. He becomes mad about that girl. He thinks that she is her life. He conveys this to her..............

The main motive of the story is show that how love can help and at the same time destruct....
before proposing to that girl he was 'the guy'.. a never say NO kind. there was a positive aura around him and he used to pass on his charm to his company... At first he did not think that he was in love with her. He gave it time and allowed the feeling to grow..he found out more about her.. her mannerisms, her way of socialization, her innocence and her candicent smile.. all these made him more passionate about her.. It was the day when things started to go out of place.. it was the day he proposed to her..........

You cannot just go up to a girl and propose just like that.. i think that anyone would approach only when you see some positive signs from the other side. Our hero was not a fool. He had noticed that she did look at him when he was staring at her. She had given him her candiscent smile whenever she found him staring at her. Over the telephone too, our hero couldn’t rule out that she wasn’t interested. As everyone does he collected all possible details about her (please don’t let your imagination run wild guys..!!). He foundout that she had a brother, a mom and a dad ( Of course..!!). She was a study machine ( as if our hero is not) and she did not have friends.... (it was the good part, coz she did not have a boy friend too!!). There was a lot of discussion about the studies over the telephone between these two. Eventually he became just mad about her. It was THE DAY when he dialed her number to say those words... those words that were unspoken... thoughts that were embedded deep within.. things that were about to change his life...........

Well, feelings and emotions are dangerous. They can turn the tide around you. After all everyone is human. Emotions, if not reciprocated in the right way can be disastrous. It all started.... He could not contain himself... he tried to... he thought it was just a infatuation. So, he gave it time. He thought he would be able to forget her and all those 'feelings' would end. But, as days grew into weeks, his passion for her grew like the soaring petrol prices in our city. Sleepless nights, restless days, killing evenings and unpleasant mornings became his routine. The only time he found himself happy was when he heard her voice over the phone. He cooked up reasons to call her and just speak... It was then, one fine evening, things began to turn from worse to worst.. it was the evening when he dialed her number with trembling fingers and the hammering of his heart could be heard blocks away. He was filled with hope and expectation..." hello..., could i speak to...." .." hey how are you? " yeah doing fine..!" so, tell me how was your day? "somewhat ok, went to college, came back tired, slept, trying to study now. Got my internals tomorrow.... so, tell me wassup with you? .... " er... just,,, i want to tell something to you... i ..er.. i am crazy about you... i am just mad about you... i couldn’t restrain myself further...."

"...err...hello ? are you there on the phone? " Apparently she became speechless. "Hey.. i don’t have any thoughts or feelings of that kind. Iam treating you like how i treat anyone else." " so tell me..did u like the crossword i designed today?" .... Now there was silence on his end.He could feel the blood flow in his veins become heavy.. there was a momentary giddyness..cold fingers and sweating eye brows.. "I dont know what to talk.. i will call you later." The phone connection became dead. The receiver was placed on the phone with such a disappointment that one would think that it would never be picked up again. His dilated eye could show his love being dissolved in tears of rejection.The flame in his heart began to flicker.. a dull gloom settled overhim. Why? was the question killing him. He crept under the cozy and warm bed sheet over his bed... with eyes wide open, he tried to sleep...

One never knows how to start, but as soon as he begins somewhere, the flow continues.It was the longest night of his life. He thought the time piece had been tampered to run slow. The more he tried not to think about what had happened, the more the reality began to hit him. Was it a dream? did she really reject me? why did she do that? In what way am i not lovable?aaah... why should she love me? it is her own right, her own freedom... come on sleep.... Unfortunately the former thoughts easily over-rood the later. Finally, before he could think of anything else, he fell asleep....

It was college the next day and there he came. A smile upon his face. He sat down for the class. She came in too... what? she here? Am i dreaming? He rubbed his eyes... then she changed into the professor! There was heavy breathing. I looked upon him and saw the shattered visage of my dear friend. Was he the same dear fellow who used to jump up all the way to college? I knew, i was losing him....

She said no da... what? i screamed in disbelief. i could see tears trying to break the membrane of his eyes...dont worry da... she will come around.....

It is a common saying that time heals. Time does heal fissures on the earth, but fissures on the heart is impossible. May be it would heal, but not without severe scarring and that scare is enough to bring back the memories you wanted to wipe out.The more you think you want to forget about it, the more you will keep thinking about it. He wanted to forget her. That was his first impulse. The more he tried, the more her images came to her mind…her smile, her innocent face, her eyes, her talk in his ears and all the time he found himself in her imaginative company. All night he would just be awake, thinking about her. He began to lose weight. Each morsel of food went down reluctantly down his throat. The sweetest music did not appeal to him anymore. The beautiful sunset looked lifeless. The cool breeze that blew, always spurred dust into his eyes… why ? He thought. Why did I meet her. Why did I see her? This question began to kill him.Lifeless days passed, time was not the medicine for him. He had put extra holes in his belt to hold up his jeans and his lunch box was emptied by his friends. He managed to convince his friends that his change was due to excessive preparation for the entrance examinations and since he was brilliant in class, they didn’t mind him. True, the only thing that kept him going was the subject. He loved it. He had an uncanning ability for mechanisms and maintained his top position easily in class.I was noticing him. He need not tell me. Sometimes you need not have a genius to solve things, just a friend. I tried uplifting his spirits. We talked hours together about her. He was very strong on her. It is just her, no one else.He could contain himself no longer again. He called her….” Is this 9….., am I speaking to …” “ hey! How are you? Y no calls “ “ how is college…” She was friendly… After a long time, he smiled…..

Analysis is important. A problem remains a problem when it is not analyzed. A problem solved without analysis, remains only temporarily solved. It is just matter of time that it crops up again. So, he analysed... analysed his thoughts. He thought hard, was he really in love. What is love? He couldnt figure out that love was something different from what he was experiencing. He felt that each and every cell in his body was focused only on her and his veins carried not only blood but also his love for her...and therefore he concluded, he did love her.

" hey... so, tell me how are things moving".. "yeah going on.. my dog was very ill, i am upset over that..and moreover my parrot died..." "oh! sorry to hear that..." "that is all right. so, tell me, how is your prep for entrance exams going on.."
He spoke on for a very long time. He was elated. He felt a new energy within him and he took the decision. I will have her.

"hey, you are my friend right.?!!" "of course i am..y ask this suddenly?" " No.. i need a small help from you" "sure sure...tell me" "well, i proposed to a girl last week and she said no. i am still crazy about her. tell me what should i do " There was silence. A long silence...and then she spoke..." err.. hey .. i dont know.." " hey, come on, you told me you would help me!!"
And so it began with her, he started to share his feelings. And she was a wonderful listener. He spoke for hours and she listened on. He shared everything he had with her..his deepest fears, his ambitions, his emotions and his love. She spoke too, first with reluctance, then with confidence. She shared with him, lesser known things about her.

He had a quiz organised at his college, in which she had to take part ( it was the day i saw her!!). He was preparing questions for that. The previous night, he spoke with her about her passions...and the next day, he set a question about that in the quiz!!! and she thought that he was hinting her about the questions!!
He was soaring up again. His constant conversations with her made him confident. Though she did not hint anything towards a relationship, his love for her strengthened. His renewed energy was strikingly visible. He would sing during class hours and dance in the labs! We felt we were getting him back again....
posted by prasanna venkatesh at 1:14 AM 2 comments